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What does it mean to “spare the rod, spoil the child”?

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Spare the rod, spoil the child is a modern-day proverb on the wisdom of discipline. It means that, if a parent refuses to discipline an unruly child, that child will grow accustomed to getting his own way and develop an air of entitlement. He will become, in the common vernacular, a spoiled brat.

Spare the rod, spoil the child is not found in Scripture, but Proverbs 13:24 expresses a similar thought: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” According to this bit of wisdom, withholding discipline is akin to hating one’s child, and correction is a means of loving him or her. In other words, allowing a child to always do as he pleases is not beneficial to the child. The better, more loving action is to guide a child away from sinful ways into a more advantageous path.

Proverbs 22:15 presents discipline as an antidote to foolishness: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” Being wise is better than being spoiled. Discipline is critical for wisdom (Proverbs 29:15), and a child who obeys his parents will be wise (Proverbs 13:1).

Spare the rod, spoil the child is usually cited in the context of spanking or other means of corporal punishment. Taken literally, both Proverbs 13:24 and the modern proverb refer to corporal punishment; however, they have application beyond physical discipline.

The primary point of the biblical proverb is that loving discipline benefits the child. Parents are sometimes tempted to think that a “hands-off” approach is the best way to raise children, but parents who truly love their child will provide wise and appropriate discipline (see Proverbs 3:11–12). If a child develops evil habits such as laziness and dishonesty (Proverbs 12:19, 24; 13:4), greater evil will befall. The pain of correcting bad behavior will be much less for the child now than for the adult he or she will later become.

Because everyone inherits a sin nature, everyone needs discipline. Correction is a blessing that prevents shame and undue hardship down the road. God Himself disciplines His children: “The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. . . . God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness” (Hebrews 12:6, 10; cf. Proverbs 3:12).

To spare the rod and spoil the child is deceptive in that the spoiled child will grow up believing that sinning has no consequences. That mindset removes the moral guardrails that protect a person from harm.

To spare the rod and spoil the child is short-sighted. Failure to discipline a child ignores the immense benefit that discipline can have in later life. An athlete undergoes rigorous training in order to release his or her full potential in competition. A rose bush is heavily pruned in order to produce the best blooms. A child is disciplined in order to maximize his ability and equip him with the tools of success.

The word rod indicates a thin stick or switch that can inflict a small amount of physical pain with no lasting physical injury. It should go without saying that a child should never be bruised, injured, or cut by a physical corrective measure. The Bible warns that parents should never abuse their power and authority over their children (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). Discipline, physical or otherwise, should not be abusive, unfair, or administered in anger. Discipline should be done in love, with purpose, and under control.

To refuse to spare the rod is to show wisdom, foresight, and love. Parents who discipline their children in this way desire to shape them into responsible adults who love and serve God (Proverbs 22:6). The goal is to build character and train the conscience.

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This page last updated: February 3, 2023