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I want a baby, but my spouse does not. What do we do?

disagreement over having childrenaudio
Question: "I want a baby, but my spouse does not. What do we do?"

The Bible declares children to be a blessing. Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." This is contrary to the way much of the world views children—as a hindrance and a burden. Children should not be viewed as a liability.

The lack of desire to have children sometimes stems from selfish motives. Some people do not want children because they want to focus on themselves, their careers, and their money. They do not want to be “tied down” or give up their expensive cars, homes, or vacations. This kind of attitude is sinful. Others do not want children because of fears about not being able to parent successfully or not being able to afford to raise the child properly. Some have fears about childbirth itself. God is big enough to handle these fears. For others, not wanting children has to do with wounds from painful past experiences. God can bring healing to these hurts. For others, the reason for not wanting children might come from something completely different.

Without knowing the reasons for not wanting to have children, it is difficult to determine whether or not the feelings are "wrong." Are there health issues? Are there unresolved issues from childhood? These are things that should be discussed between spouses, and if need be, Christian marriage counseling should be sought.

As Christians, our devotion should first be to God, who says that children are a blessing. After that, the most important relationship is with our spouse. If it is very important to a spouse to have children, it should definitely be considered, with an attitude of respect and submission (see Ephesians 5:21-33). Practically speaking, this is a topic that should be thoroughly discussed before marriage.

If we devote ourselves to prayer, Bible reading, and meditation, God will reveal His will if we put Him first. Romans 12:2 declares, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Recommended Resource: Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls by Gary Thomas

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I want a baby, but my spouse does not. What do we do?

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