What is the difference between submit and obey?

It is wise to understand the difference between submit and obey, since both words appear in Scripture and are often misunderstood. While submission and obedience are related concepts, the Bible does not equate them.

To obey is to do what someone in authority has commanded. Obedience is an act that responds to a demand. In God’s design for the family, children are to obey their parents: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). A child is expected to act according to what his or her parents have said. Paul also tells bondservants to obey their earthly masters (Colossians 3:22). These examples deal with specific instructions, followed by specific actions. Obedience, in this sense, is measurable. You either followed the instruction, or you did not.

To submit is to willingly place oneself under the leadership or authority of another. Submission is broader than obedience and speaks to one’s heart posture. A submissive person recognizes the authoritative role of another and yields to that order without resistance. In Ephesians 5:21, believers are told to submit to one another in the fear of God. In verse 22, wives are instructed to submit to their own husbands, as to the Lord.

Importantly, the Bible never commands a wife to obey her husband. She is to submit to him in both Ephesians 5:22 and 1 Peter 3:1. She is not a child under the husband’s authority; rather, she is a co-heir of grace who willingly submits to the husband’s leadership. She recognizes there is a needful subordination in the husband-wife relationship, and she adopts an attitude of humility and a willingness to follow the leadership of her husband. Instead of resisting, resenting, and rebelling against God’s ordained order, she chooses to show respect and honor out of reverence for Christ.

The Christian wife, rather than “obeying” what her husband tells her to do, manifests an attitude of love and grace toward her husband; she displays a heart of dedication to her marriage and family, and she assumes a posture of trust in and support of her husband’s leadership. This is godly submission.

A person may obey without submitting. The proper action may follow the command, but the heart may resist. The Pharisees followed many laws, yet their hearts were far from God (Matthew 15:8). They were, in fact, resistant to the Holy Spirit (Acts 7:51). God is not pleased with hollow obedience. He looks at the heart. A submissive spirit honors authority because it first honors God. This is true regardless of whether the person in authority has given specific instructions.

The Lord Jesus displayed both submission and obedience. He followed the will of the Father, even when it led to suffering. In the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Philippians 2:8 says He became “obedient to the point of death” (ESV). Jesus obeyed the Father in all things, and He submitted Himself fully and without complaint.

Obedience responds to instruction. Submission responds to the ordered structure God has established. The Bible calls us to both. We follow commands when they are given by a God-ordained authority. We also strive to live in humility under the authority God has placed over us.