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In his teaching on family life, Paul gives inspired instructions to husbands, wives, and children. The instructions are simply stated and contain the essence of what makes for a godly, functional family.
To husbands, Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19). The instruction to fathers is, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21).
To children in a family, Paul writes, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).
To wives, Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18, NKJV). This wording is based on the Textus Receptus. Earlier manuscripts do not have the Greek word for “own,” which is why the English Standard Version says, “Submit to your husbands.”
We can make several basic observations about this scriptural command to wives:
The instruction to be submissive is for wives as they relate to their husbands. It is not a blanket command to all women to submit to all men. Within a marriage relationship, a wife is to submit to her husband. She is not obligated to submit to any other man. The rule to submit does not extend to a woman’s place in society at large.
Submit does not mean the same thing as obey. Children are told to obey their parents, but Scripture never tells a wife to obey her husband. She is not under his authority in the same way children are. To obey is to carry out a command from someone in authority. To submit, on the other hand, is to willingly place oneself under the leadership or authority of another person. Obedience concerns one’s actions; submission speaks to one’s heart posture. A submissive person recognizes the authoritative role of another and yields to that order without resistance.
According to Colossians 3:18, a wife is to recognize the wisdom of subordination in the husband-wife relationship, and she is to evince a humble willingness to follow her husband’s leadership. Instead of resisting, resenting, and rebelling against God’s ordained order, a godly wife chooses to show respect and honor. She submits to her husband out of reverence for Christ—such submission “is fitting in the Lord.” The Christian wife displays a heart of dedication to her marriage and family. She trusts the Lord, and she trusts her husband’s headship.
A godly wife will obey the Lord (and submit to Him). As part of her obedience to God, she will submit to her own husband. Commentator Albert Barnes explains it this way: “In every family there should be a head—someone who is to be looked up to as the counselor and the ruler; someone to whom all should be subordinate. God has given that prerogative to man; and no family prospers where that arrangement is violated. Within proper metes and limits, therefore, it is the duty of the wife . . . to submit herself to her husband” (Barnes, A., Notes on the Bible, 1834, at https://biblehub.com/commentaries/barnes/ephesians/5.htm, accessed 5/11/26).
Ephesians 5:22–24 is a parallel passage to Colossians 3:18:
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
