What does it mean that the heart knows its own bitterness (Proverbs 14:10)?

Proverbs 14:10 states, “The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy” (ESV). Here, Solomon highlights our inner experience of bitterness and joy. Everyone experiences emotions that, on a certain level, others cannot fully understand or empathize with.

The word bitterness in Proverbs 14:10 is synonymous with suffering or sorrow. The word is juxtaposed with joy in the second half of the proverb’s couplet. While others may sympathize with our sufferings, they cannot grasp the true depth of our pain. Job’s life is an example of this reality. Job says, “Have pity on me, my friends, have pity, for the hand of God has struck me” (Job 19:21), but he finds no comfort from them. Job’s friends had good intentions in trying to console him, but they could not understand his anguish and they wrongly assumed the reasons behind it. As Job tells them, “My brothers are as undependable as intermittent streams” (Job 6:15). Sorrow is often solitary.

It is sometimes difficult to articulate the bitterness or sorrow within our hearts. Words often fail to capture the complexity of grief, and no objective observer can step in to our subjective worlds. No one, that is, except Jesus. The truth that the heart knows its own bitterness is given a hopeful twist in the old African American spiritual:

The spiritual and Scripture remind to bring our burdens to God, who knows us thoroughly:

Acknowledging that “the heart knows its own bitterness” (Proverbs 14:10, ESV) has profound implications for interpersonal relationships. While we cannot fully understand another’s pain, godly empathy calls believers to enter their experiences as much as possible. We are to “rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15, ESV). Though our understanding of their joy and sorrow is limited, our expression of Christian love and fellowship is necessary.

Knowing that only the heart knows its own bitterness, we must be careful not to place unrealistic expectations on others to meet our emotional needs. Only God can ultimately fulfill those needs. Human relationships are essential, but they are limited. God wants us to rely on Him. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (ESV). God sees, understands, and heals the inner wounds that others may only see in part.

God’s concern for our emotional well-being means we can be vulnerable in prayer: “Pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us” (Psalm 62:8, ESV). God promises to console our troubled hearts when we come to Him. As we pray with thanksgiving, “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7, ESV).

Proverbs 14:10 reminds us of the personal nature of human emotions. Every person carries bitterness within his or her heart that no one else can fully understand. While this can make us feel isolated, Scripture encourages us to rest in God’s providential care: “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought my joy” (Psalm 94:19, ESV). God is the only person who fully knows our hearts.

Embracing Solomon’s wisdom in Proverbs 14:10 allows us to grow in our relationships with God and others. We find the courage to bring our innermost struggles to the Lord, knowing He cares about us. At the same time, we develop greater compassion for others. God does not want us to suffer in silence. He wants us to trust and depend on Him to supply our needs.