What should be the response of a Christian whose spouse has had an affair?

Question: "What should be the response of a Christian whose spouse has had an affair?"

Answer: This is a very difficult situation. It involves all your emotions, and can stretch your faith in a big way. The best thing you can do is to "Turn all your worries over to Him. He cares about you" (1 Peter 5:7). Go to Him for daily comfort, wisdom, and direction on a daily basis. God can help you through the deepest of trials. Adultery is ALWAYS WRONG.

"God will judge the person who commits adultery" (Hebrews 13:4). I would encourage you (or this person) to rest in the truth that God is the avenger. The person who has been sinned against does not have to fret over getting even. God will do a much better job of that. With everything that is in you, commit this sin of adultery to the One who knows every detail, and will deal with it appropriately.

"FORGIVE people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive people their sins. your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14, 15). This may seem like an impossibility, but with God's grace, make it an act of your will in obedience to God's Word. To harbor bitterness will affect attitudes, emotions, your desire to obey God, and negatively affect everyday decisions. This does not mean that you are not going to suffer the effects of deep hurt... you will. But the grace of God will greatly minister to your needs. An unforgiving heart will soon be racked with vengeful thoughts, anger, wrath, etc.

BE FORGIVEN. "But God is faithful and fair. If we admit that we have sinned, He will forgive us our sins. He will forgive every wrong thing we have done. He will make us pure" (1 John 1:9). Ask God to help you see how you may have contributed to this whole situation, and be released from the weight of guilt before God. From that point on, you will be free to seek His counsel and guidance. His Holy Spirit will enable you to do what you could not do on your own. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

Then as God leads, ask your spouse to forgive you. This is very difficult, but it will certainly clear your conscience before him/her. Even if this takes time, decide you will do it. (See Matthew 5:23,24) To stay or to leave....."Anyone who divorces his wife and gets married to another woman commits adultery. A man may divorce his wife only if she has not been faithful to him" (Matthew 19:9)

The Lord says, "I hate divorce!" (Malachi 2:16) It is far better to try to resolve the issues causing the problems, especially if there are children involved. Godly counsel is helpful if you go to someone who uses God's Word as the basis for their advice. Pray for God to guide you in your thoughts, words, actions, and decisions.

Recommended Resource: Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley.